I have been on the dating scene for a couple of years and unfortunately have had my fair share of misogynists, douchebags, and manipulative men. You know what they say hindsight is 20/20 and if I knew then what I know now, I wouldn’t have kissed my fair share of frogs!
Here are some of the things I wish I had known before I started dating
1. Just because he’s nice doesn’t mean I have to date him: My mom always told me not to take a bite of the cake if I wasn’t planning to eat the whole thing. Of course, that’s a metaphor for life but it applies in this situation. Just because a guy is nice to me doesn’t mean I am meant to date him. It’s okay to have guy friends and not expect that the relationship will develop into something other than what it is- Friendship.
2. Trust My Instincts: My instincts are there for a reason. If I feel something isn’t right about a situation, I owe it to myself to not ignore it.
3. Stop Looking so hard for the right guy…or any guy at all: The right guy will come, I should remain focused on me. Figure out what sets me on fire. Pursue my passions relentlessly.
4. My feelings are valid: My feelings are real and I don’t need a label to justify them (label of a relationship). I might like a guy who doesn’t reciprocate my feelings and that’s okay. It doesn’t mean my feelings aren’t valid. I just have to remember to focus on what’s important- developing myself.
5. I am enough: The idea that I needed someone to make me whole should never have crossed my mind. I am complete and no man should make ever make me feel less than.
6. It is okay to have doubts: The idea that I have to be 100% certain of a guy before I date him isn’t realistic. Of course, I have to watch out for red flags, but enjoying the process of getting to know someone is also very important.
7. Being alone isn’t such a bad thing: enjoying singleness is very key. If I can appreciate my singleness, then I would eventually appreciate my relationship.
8. A better understanding of the word love: “Love”Just because he tells me he loves me doesn’t mean I have to tell him I love him too, especially if I do not. Saying “I love you” is a huge commitment and it carries a lot of responsibilities with it. It’s not something that should be thrown around because I feel obligated to.
9. I don’t have to do everything they tell me to do just to keep the peace: I wish I had known that it is okay to refuse to compromise my standards just to please a man.
10. If my parents, siblings, or friends don’t like ’em, I probably should re-evaluate things.
Bonus: Don’t date just for the fun of it: guard your heart, for out of it flows the issues of life.
What I wore
Glasses: On the streets of Lagos